Lila Pearl Birth Story

My dear child, Lila, was born on January 18th 2020. The past few days I have been reflecting upon her arrival and the beautiful homebirth that we were blessed to have. I wanted to share the whole story here. I wrote my birth story a few days after I gave birth so that I could record as much of the details as possible. I will be adding some new information at the end from the past years adventures. Enjoy!

Contractions picking up. I felt best being on my knees!

Lila Pearl was born on Saturday evening, January 18th 2020, after a day of snow. This had been one of the very few snow falls of the winter. I had always envisioned there would be snow when she would arrive. The last few weeks leading up to her birth had been, for myself, challenging. After a week past her due date (January 8th) I had become increasingly anxious due to the impending 42 weeks mark which would then require me to give birth at a hospital, which I had wanted to avoid at any cost. I couldn't imagine giving birth to my child at a Hospital when myself and Lila were healthy and well. As each day passed the anxiety really got to me.

On Wednesday evening, the 15th of January, one week after my due date, I came down with a chest cold and a pretty nasty one. (It actually lasted for about 2 & ½ weeks). The Thursday and Friday passed after I initially got the cold and I was still coughing up phlegm and my lymph nodes were swollen. I had wanted to go into labor so bad and now I wanted to wait because the cold was so severe! But luckily I could still breathe through my nose, which I knew would be important for the birth.

RJ had taken that Friday off from work and Monday was Martin Luther King Day so he had a 4 day weekend. It was really helpful having him home, because the week had been so long just waiting for her to arrive and I didn't have any scheduled private sessions to keep me busy.

Earlier in the week we had our appointment with Dina and Rebekah (our midwives) and Dina said I could take castor oil to induce labor, if I would like. I agreed because I was ready for her to come out before 42 weeks! I wanted to try anything at that point. We planned for me to take castor oil on Saturday morning the 18th.

Saturday morning arrived and I was still not feeling 100% well. While sitting in meditation, I spoke with Lila, as I often do & she said she would agree to coming out on this day and she was so happy too. She smiled to me all day letting me know that she was okay.

I would have preferred to not take castor oil to induce labor, but like I said, Hospital birth was just not an option for Lila & I. I’m grateful Lila and I could work together to be at home for this birth as I knew, with every cell In my body, that this would be such a healing, transforming, & empowering experience. Also, I trust my own bodies intuition, the support of my midwives, and the beautiful relation I have with RJ to safely birth my child without any intervention from a hospital. For me, this was the only option.

Saturday morning arrived and although I still had a chest cold I decided to go forward with taking the castor oil. So at breakfast I mixed the oil in with a smoothie around 9:30 AM. Castor oil stimulates intestinal contractions which is supposed to then stimulate uterine contractions. Dina said that usually 6 hours after the initial consumption, labor starts. So I waited till 3:30 while my body vigorously cleared itself. I vowed to never do that again!
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Around 4 PM, 6 & ½ hours after I had taken the castor oil, I was pretty much set on the idea that labor wasn’t going to start and I had just drained my entire body for no reason! On one end, I thought to myself, that it’s probably the best that I don’t go into labor because I’m sick and drained. But then I was just at a loss, I thought to myself “if castor oil couldn’t do it, what will get my baby out before 42 weeks?”

At 4:21 PM I updated my midwife and told her that my cramps are picking up but I wasn’t sure if it just because of the diarrhea. We then planned to meet the following day so she could sweep my membranes in hopes that that may help.

I figured I’d ask RJ for a breast massage because that helps induce labor by flooding my body with hormones. At that point, why not? After the massage I suddenly wanted to make pancakes! I figured, if baby isn’t coming, lets at least enjoy our time together. As we started making pancakes, the cramps became extremely intense.

At 5:30 PM I texted Dina that I’m having pretty regular contraction where my abdomen would tighten. All of a sudden liquid was starting to come out of me. RJ started timing the contraction and, for about an hour, they were 2/3 minutes apart & pretty intense.

At 7 PM, I talked with Dina and since it was definitely confirmed that labor had started, she suggested I tell my sister to start driving up from her home in Virginia. We are about 6 hours apart so I thought that would still be enough time for her to get to the birth in time. But I also trusted that she would get there at the perfect time, whenever that may be. I just felt really good knowing my sister would be there.

At this point, I had noticed that my amniotic fluid was slightly brown. I knew that the amniotic fluid was supposed to be clear so I was afraid that it was mixed with meconium from Lila. This made me and Dina nervous. Both of my midwives were still not at the birth yet so they really wanted to come over to check on Lila. Dina asked me if Lila had kicked in a while, so RJ and I sat down and really asked Lila to kick for us to make sure she was okay. Luckily, we felt a kick!

I then got in the shower as I was waiting for my midwives to arrive. At this point, RJ was running around to set up the entire room for the birth. He changed all the bed sheets and blew up the water tub. While in the shower the contractions became really intense. I really had to breathe through them and what felt best was being on my hands and knees when dealing with each rush. My mucus plug came out while I was in the shower which actually made me really excited! It finally really hit me that I was going to give birth to my child.

In the tub for our water birth!

After I got out of the shower, I talked with Dina on the phone and she suggested I get in bed and lay down sideways. She was now on her way and said that Rebekah would be there soon. I started losing track of time at this point, but believe it was around 8 PM

As I was laying in bed, the contractions got really strong! They were consistently 3 minutes apart and 55 seconds long. Each one took my full attention, but I felt like I could handle it with RJ there and the strength of my breath. I just kept reminding myself of what my sister said, “It’s intense, but its nothing you can’t handle.” That was my mantra throughout the entire birth and really helped me get through it.

Rebekah finally arrived and at this point the rest of the nights moments just blended together. My only focus was getting through each contraction. Rebekah checked Lila’s heart rate which was perfect. At that point I was 5 cm dilated. This was the one and only time my cervix was checked throughout the entire pregnancy and labor. Rebekah called Dina, who was still on her way, and let her know everything was okay.

I continued to labor in bed, but was still very worried about the meconium in the amniotic fluid. I felt awful that I had probably put Lila under stress while taking the castor oil. I was praying everything would be okay. Later, Dina told me that the meconium would have looked black in the amniotic fluid if it she had recently just expelled it. She said that Lila must have expelled it at some other point in the pregnancy since it was just brown. Dina wanted me to definitely deliver Lila in the tub to help protect her from breathing in the meconium as she was coming out.

When Dina arrived, she suggested I sit on the toilet for a few contractions and then I should get in the tub. At this point I thought to myself, “ I must be moving along in labor if she already wants me to get into the tub.” The contractions became even more intense while I was in the tub. This was the most challenging part of labor. My entire body was shaking, but I was mainly shaking in my legs.

It got to a point where breath alone wasn’t helping me move through them and I needed to make low deep noises. When a contraction would come I would just need to close my eyes, go within, moan, and move with the intense wave rushing through me. The only time it felt “good” was right at the end of the contraction. That moment of release, but that didn’t happen for every contraction. The contractions felt like the most intense waves of energy. The breaks in between started to become shorter and shorter.
RJ was doing great, he was present with me the entire time. So present, loving, and sweet. Before labor had really started I remember looking into his eyes I just felt so much strength. I felt supported by him but more importantly I felt like a grounded stone, immovable and strong. I felt so ready. Somehow God prepares you to do something so unimaginable…..especially at this time while being sick and drained from castor oil. Nevertheless I was still supplied the energy needed to birth my child.

The contractions continued to pick up. I had a very long contractions that seemed to overlap one another. Dina monitored her heart rate and it was still perfect and strong. Dina and Rebekah had been in the room for a little and giving soft encouragement when needed. Most of the labor they just left RJ and I to ourselves which was so special. I was grateful with how hands-off they were. They really gave me the space to birth my child.

I was on my hands and knees for most all contractions, it was the only position that seemed manageable. In between the contractions I would sit down to just give my legs a rest. Very shortly after they left the room, I was moving through another contraction and suddenly felt Lila drop! I finally felt some pressure! I thought I still had some time before pushing but with the next few contractions she was taken down the birth canal .

It was amazing to focus on something other than contractions. I didn’t even notice the pain at that point, I was just so excited to meet my baby. I also didn’t even really need to push. My body, with each contractions, guided Lila out of me. With one contractions she came really low and after one or two more, her head actually came through!

RJ and I were shocked! I reached down and touch her head, I was just on my knees at this point. RJ said keep pushing, but I couldn’t without a contractions so I told him to go get Dina and Rebekah. I could hear their shocked reaction from the other room. I think they were just as surprised as we were! They all came in and then time slowed down for the next 3-5 minutes. I was so excited for the next contraction so that her body could come out!

While waiting, Dina came behind, just to make sure her body would come out. Lila rotated herself in preparation for the next contraction. With the next contractions her body moved out of mine and then I was able to catch her and put her straight to my chest. I sat back, and looked into her beautiful eyes.

My reaction right after Lila arrived!!

Lila started crying right after she arrived! She came through at 11:20 AM and was 8 lbs and 6 oz. My sister arrived shortly after with her two kids and husband. They were able to meet Lila within the first hour or two of being born! I was grateful Steph arrived and was able to support the day after.

My midwife suggested I get out of the water so that I could breastfeed Lila. I don’t remember how, but I got out of the tub while the placenta was still inside me and someone must have been holding Lila. All the moments blended. I was able to get into my bed with RJ and the midwives cleaned me up after the placenta came out. The placenta came out soon after Lila was born and was very easy. I was surprised at how much blood there was, but it was nice having the midwives there because they didn’t seem concerned by the amount. They cleaned me up and gave me a couple of stiches. Once I was all cleaned, Lila’s umbilical cord was cut by RJ!

1st time breastfeeding!

The whole experience was quite intense with being sick, drained from castor oil and a 5-6 hour labor! I wanted to shower, but was too weak. I did get to use the bathroom and RJ was able to hold his daughter for the first time! It was just such a special evening. The Midwives left around 1 or 2 in the morning. RJ and I went asleep next to our sweet daughter. We got 3-4 hours of straight sleep which was definitely needed!

The first few days and weeks of postpartum were actually very hard. Especially being a new mother. It’s an extremely vulnerable space. The you, you once knew yourself as, merges into this new expression. I don’t feel like I lost who I am, I feel like I grew more into myself, but that transition was not easy. I deeply missed my yoga practice and felt isolated at times. There were many challenges and many joys. Now, a year later, I am so happy with how we have grown as individuals and as a family. I give my heart to all first time mothers. No matter your situation, it’s tough. But women are resilient and we were made for this. It’s in our blood. I call upon on the ancestors before me and trust in their support and love. I know I have birthed many times before in many other lifetimes. It is apart of who I am.

We birth in all ways. Birthing is a divine creative expression coming to form. We are all mothers of some creative expression. Love all that you create. It is apart of you.