RAW share and mid-year reflections

Hello Dear Friends,

I have been going, non-stop, with the expectation that life will eventually slow down. But this is not the case I, myself, need to make the conscious effort to slow down. There will always be more to do and create, but nothing is meant to go on forever. Resting is just as essential as creating. The need to always do really stems from a lack-mentality. An underlying feeling that if I don’t accomplish all the tasks, I will not be worthy. Or if I don’t get all my work done or continue to advertise/create, I will not be financially stable. Or if I don’t take care of my family and home before my own needs that I am so how not a good wife/mother.

On some level I am aware that all of this untrue. Yet I continue to over-extend myself and then become bitter, tired and resentful- which is just not pleasant for myself or anyone! So today feels like a good day to reflect and share my reflection with you all. It is a dark, cool and rainy day. I woke up to the sharp pain of an intense charlie horse in my right calf and it’s the first day of a new month. I’m sure none of that really makes sense, but for me, it is the perfect conditions to really sit with myself and reflect on where I am and share with you, my beautiful community.

Many of you know RJ and I moved to Indiana with our daughter, Lila in the first week of February this year. At that time, I was about 2 months pregnant. It was a cold month and we moved into two off-grid cabins with no electricity or bathroom and were heating our home with a wood stove. We created a make-shift kitchen in one of the cabins, but our food was in the fridge in the arts center about a minute walk away from the cabins. Then the outhouse was in another location, again another minute or so walk away. A minute doesn’t seem that long, but doing the simplest tasks took a lot of extra effort with a 1-year-old child and being pregnant. While RJ was working here at the farm, If I had to go to the bathroom or get food, I had to collect myself and Lila with our winter clothes and get us to the community center or outhouse. This, you can imagine, happened many times a day. Think about how many times you just pop into the fridge or use the bathroom in one day.

It is a life style and one that has many benefits and also many challenges. As the weather started getting warmer and Lila started walking better it did become a fun adventure, a couple times a day, to go out and get the things we needed or use the bathroom, but often times I would end up having to carry Lila, chasing her because she is running in the opposite direction or calling her name until she finally followed back to the cabins.

But we love being here on the land. We were trying to buy a home in New Jersey for about 4 months and were in the making of many others plans for a home in the area. Yet, everything just kept falling through. When the new year finally came, we just knew we needed to open up to new possibilities and see what wanted to come in. For some reason, New Jersey was just not the place for us to be and we were led to Indiana after RJ reached out to his first farm mentor, Michael at Living Roots Farm. When RJ reached out, Michael was just about to post a new position on the farm- field manager. This fit RJ really well and Michael offered us two cabins to live in until we were able to build our tiny house.

When we arrived, we settled in and started putting the pieces together for our tiny home and ran into some obstacles along the way. As spring began to bloom the vision became clearer and we realized we need a lot more time to get our dream home created, but that we needed to find another home for the arrival of this baby. My due date is August 30th and I was feeling very ungrounded living in the cabins because of the challenging lifestyle. I just couldn’t imagine living in those cabins while RJ worked full time, I was running my own business and caring for Lila and a newborn child. So, we needed a solution.

We went and got approved for a mortgage loan and started looking at homes in the area. There was really nothing we were interested in buying, with the limited options available. Most of the homes didn’t come with much land and we didn’t want to be too far away from the farm. We also love being on this land with the community of people who live here. On the property there are other residents, full-time managers and then there are shorter term apprentices and work-exchangers that comes and go every few months. This environment is great for Lila because she is meeting new people and interacting with a community. RJ and I have also made great friendships here and the help of the community is priceless. So, we really wanted to stay on the land or close to it. As the months went by, I was feeling a really strong urge to get grounded ASAP.

One weekend, RJ had the idea for us to look at campers as a potential option for us to get in a home with electricity, a kitchen, bathroom, running water and still be on the land. Within two and a half weeks our camper was delivered! It was pretty effortless to get our new camper! I found one online, we went and visited the home, had a check sent and got it delivered! It is a completely new camper with the perfect amount of space for a family of four!! Lila and the baby have their own room to share and I am just so happy to have a kitchen and bathroom in 1 place! Simply having electricity has been amazing with the intense heat here. We can actually run fans instead of just sitting in those cabins, sweating and just barely able to manage the simple daily tasks.

We moved into the camper on Father’s Day weekend- the weekend of the Solstice! A powerful shift took place on the Solstice, spiritually & physically. We finally got into our new home and I felt a deep cleansing of old cycles releasing. We still had much more work to do the following week to get us settled into the home, but that Sunday night, the 20th was our first night all sleeping in the camper, together! The following day, RJ had work. He was spending the day weeding along side the apprentices. He started feeling back pain in the middle of the day, but continued to push through. By the evening, he was barely able to walk.

RJ crawled into bed and for the next 3-4 days was completely bed-ridden with severe back pain. He could just barely walk to take care of his basic needs. We ended up going to the hospital, seeking advice. They said it is most likely just muscle tension and gave him some muscle relaxers. Thankfully, a few of the members of the community here are massage therapist and RJ was able to get a lot of physical support and healing through their help.

I spent that entire week packing, unpacking and caring for Lila and RJ. RJ is now able to work a couple hours at a time, doing light work. He is also able to help out around the house much more which is taking a lot of the weight off my own shoulders. These past few weeks, months, and year has just been so much movement! We have been trying to find a place of grounding and home since Lila has been born. She is now a year and a half and we are finally feeling grounded! I am so happy we have such a beautiful home on this magical property, all before our second child arrives.

We envision being in this home for 5 years or so and just are just seeing what life has in store for us as we begin to save for our next adventure and home. I know RJ and I will be co-creating together in the future as a part of our purpose, here on earth. Although we are both co-creating the care for our children now, we still feel a big vision in our heart to create a sanctuary for people to come and heal themselves through food, ceremony, yoga and other healing arts. We aren’t sure where and how this vision will unfold, but for right now we are happy to be grounded, nourished and surrounded by a loving community and magical land.

So I have just been going, going, going and now it is time to say enough. When the wheels have been turning for so long it takes an adjustment period to slow them down. I’m learning to slow down my wheels so that I can turn inward, tune-in and listen to the rhythms of my body and growing child within. We are planning on doing a birth at home and I deeply looking forward to this magical experience of opening to allow for our baby to come through, earthside. It is time to nourish myself on every level and I need to give myself the permission to do so because I can’t expect the permission to come from outside of me.

I was falling asleep last night and was also dreaming of so much that wants to be birthed for my business. You all know just how passionate I am about Spirit Ocean Healing and the offerings I share. It is truly who I am. An extension of my soul. I know that this rest period is needed and essential for my own inner transformation so that what wants to birth through me for my business can better serve those around me and can be a pure reflection of my Authentic Self.

I will still be weaving some offering into the year to come such as a Reiki Level 1, 2 and Master training and an Intuitive Living workshop. I will also have availability for 1:1 healing sessions and intuitive readings. My current Authentic Alignment program runs until mid-August and then I’m taking a pause from offering this journey again until January 2022. Spirit is guiding me to make beautiful shifts within this program and I cannot wait to share with you the evolution of this new 3-month journey!

But I know I need the months of September, October and November (after the baby arrives) to just be and feel what is wanting to be created for the year to come. Powerful shifts are happening within myself and therefore my offerings, in a really beautiful way. I feel so joyous with the anticipation of witnessing the transformation within and without for the year to come. I am truly so grateful that you are all along this journey with me!